The Wait
It’s a rainy and quiet Saturday afternoon, which has put me in a reflective mood. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this adoption journey we’re on. And in particular, this time of waiting and wondering that we’re in.
Everyone in the world of adoption is familiar with “The Wait.” It’s that lag time between handing all your paperwork in and the day you are matched with a child. I remember back to last summer, when we were scurrying about gathering various documents and notary signatures, when we heard one person comment: “Just enjoy this phase where you can actually DO something. Because pretty soon all you can do is sit and wait.
Well, we are smack dab in the midle of the wait right now. This week, it will have been seven months since all our paperwork headed to Ethiopia. Seven months! And I have very mixed feelings about this time. There are many moments of impatience, of course. Sometimes I wonder if we’d be better off doing a domestic adoption, or if we should have changed our age requirements, or if . . . well, there’s lots of “ifs” to wonder about when you’re wishing for a speedier adoption process! Yet time and again, God reassures me that we are on the right path, even though it is a longer wait than we’d like.
Mixed in with the impatience are moments of wonder. I wonder if our baby has been born yet, or if she’s still in her mommy’s round belly. I wonder what kind of family she will come from–what kind of difficult circumstances will lead her to an orphanage. I wonder if there’s another mother on the other side of the world, right now, worrying and fearing about the future of her child. And I pray that God will give her peace about His plan. I wonder what this child will look like. What personality she’ll have. What hopes and dreams and purposes and plans God will wrap into this little person.
It’s strange how these feelings of impatience, wonder, anticipation all mingle in with my everyday life. We are “expecting,” but in such an unconventional way. There’s no constant physical reminder, like the kicks and rolls I used to feel when I was pregnant with Noah. Yet it is a constant thought on my heart. I’ve heard people talk about children of adoption being “grown in their mother’s heart” instead of grown in her stomach. And there’s such truth there. Thoughts of this sweet child poke at my heart each day.
So I keep waiting. Trying to remain faithful to God’s timeline. Trying to find the grace and the growth during this sometimes frustrating wait.
And you know what? God is so good to fill the wait with good things and good purposes. I have an energetic son to keep me on my toes. Dear friends and family who fill my life with laughter and support. A church that feels like a true spiritual home. Wonderful teens God has called me to disciple and love. People and possibilities for starting an orphan ministry at my church. Opportunities to grow and develop my writing career.
I am grateful for these “distractions” from the wait. But also grateful that they are not mere distractions, but an important part of the journey I’m on. We had quite a “wait” before Noah was born too, and I know that as those days and months went by, God was molding me, transforming me into a different kind of person than I would have been without the wait.
When I grow frustrated with this wait, I try to remember that God’s hands are still here, shaping me and our family through this long process. And so I guess more than anything today, I’m just grateful for a God who walks with us. Who never gives up on us. And who works all things for our good. Even the wait…
Flip Video
I have a working theory I want to run by you: Someday, archeologists won’t have to go digging through old cities or landfills to determine how we lived; they’ll just dig through youtube instead. Although, sometimes I can’t tell the difference between youtube or a landfill. But that’s a theory for a different post. (Although, in all seriously, last month’s Wired Magazine included an article about video usage in a digital age. Worth the read if you get a chance.)
But you don’t care about magazines and digital ages, do you! Let’s be honest: you’re here to see Noah playing with trucks. Well, always said give the masses what they want, so here you go, faithful readers:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhmmhTReeUM]
How this never got nominated for an Oscar is beyond me. Brad Pitt in ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’ or Noah playing with trucks… Seriously, is there any competition? (No offense to Mr. Pitt: Fight Club rocks.)
Ahem. Anyways, moving along: We shot this movie with our new Flip video camera, which we got for our trip to Ethiopia. I’m pretty impressed: It fits in your pocket, takes 60 minutes of video, and includes software to edit your movie together. It even came with the music I added to the clip.
So, I’m guessing you’ll be seeing more Oscar bait cute videos on the Tol House blog in the near future. Time to stock up on popcorn…
Dreaming…
So I had a big “first” in our adoption process last night: I dreamt about our future child. It was hazy and unrealistic, as most dreams are: We picked up our little girl here in America, at our caseworker’s house, and received absolutely no information about the child’s history. But as weird as the dream was, it’s a special comfort to be dreaming about this little person who will soon come into our lives. This adoption process can feel distant and unreal during this “wait time.” It’s nice to wake up with a thread of connection woven into my heart.
And so today, like many days lately, I’ve been wondering: Is our child born yet? What does she look like? What is her family’s story? When will we see that picture for the first time?
No surprise, then, that I wandered to a particular blog this afternoon: It’s a California family who is waiting for their referral of an Ethiopian baby, just like we are. I found a video there, filled with the faces of beautiful Ethiopian orphans. And I wondered: While I lay dreaming of our future child last night, what were these children dreaming of? What stories lie in their past? What kind of future they will face?
So I’m sharing a couple videos with you today, and praying that you’ll start dreaming too. I know we’re in “tough economic times.” But compared to the loss of so many orphans around the world, are our lives really so bleak? Perhaps as this season of thanksgiving unfolds, you can do something to help the orphan–maybe through a donation, or a prayer, or just sending this video on to others through your e-mail or Facebook page. Let’s all dream together about how we can make a difference for these children that God so dearly loves.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvRwo2oAmec]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c24T29r_n0o]
From Ethiopia to China
Well, if you read our last blog entry, you know things have been a bit hectic around here lately. I want to write a “real” post sometime soon to fill you in on our adventures, but I’ve promised myself to stay away from the blog until I finish my latest freelance project.
(Note: Yes, I realize I am breaking my own rule while writing this. See what astounding willpower I have?)
But I did want to share a little info about our Ethiopia adoption process:
#1. There have been several Bethany staff members visiting Ethiopia in the last few weeks. We haven’t heard a lot of details about thier trip yet, but it’s good news to hear that our agency is making strides to develop the Ethiopia program.
#2. Last week, Bethany received four more referrals for families. And five other families received court dates (which means they’ll be travelling to pick up their kids very soon!) This is exciting to us because it means the Ethiopia program continues to roll forward, and our name gets just a little higher on the list! Please keep all these families in your prayers.
Now, since we’ve been blog delinquents lately, I thought I’d at least point you to an alternative source of entertainment. Our Bethany caseworker is on a business trip to China, evaluating some adoption-related issues there. She’s been been blogging about her experience here, so check it out sometime. It’s fun to hear about Chinese culture and read about children meeting their forever families for the first time!
What Does 143,000,000 Mean to You?
1430,000,000 is a big number. Too big. Too overwhelming. And too sad to comprehend. Because 143,000,000 is the number of children in this world who are growing up alone.
As a soon-to-be adoptive parent, I love sharing about our adoption journey. There’s great joy and excitement in this process. But there’s a heaviness that comes with this path too: As we anticipate bringing one little child into our home, we also feel a burden for all the many that will be left behind.
I ran across this video this afternoon and it poked a few more holes in my heart. So I’m sharing it with you and hoping that perhaps it’ll touch yours too.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6WEcrfCIwI&eurl=http://solidrck.blogspot.com/2008/05/perspective.html]
I know that adoption isn’t the path for everyone; but it seems to me that we can all do something to help these 143,000,000 children: sponsorship, advocacy, prayer . . . there’s so much work to be done. If you’d like to learn more about getting involved, here’s a few places to start:
http://www.bethanysponsorship.org/ - A child sponsorship program run by our own adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services.
http://www.redletterscampaign.com/
Exciting Adoption News!
We just learned on Monday that our dossier is headed to Ethiopia! Finally, all the paperwork is done here on the U.S. end. For months, our standard response when asked about the adoption has been “We’re still finishing up the paperwork.” But now, we are officially “waiting for our referral.” It may sound like an insignificant shift, but it’s really an exciting step for us. This means the next step on our adoption journey will be getting matched with our child!
I realize all the adoption lingo we’ve picked up lately may not make sense to our wonderful blog readers, so here’s a quick recap of the adoption process and where we are in it. Basically, an Ethiopian adoption involves three major steps:
Complete the dossier. I’ve already blogged about this step so I’ll spare you the details. This is the stage we’ve just finished and it means we are officially “in line” for an Ethiopian adoption.
Wait for a referral. The referral is the really exciting moment when we are matched with our specific child. We’ll get pictures and basic information about her background. We’ve been told this could take anywhere from 9-16 months.
Travel to Ethiopia to bring our baby home. This will happen about 3 months after receiving our referral. We will be assigned a court date in Ethiopia and make our travel plans accordingly.
I know some people are confused by the idea of being “in line” for an adoption. If there are so many orphans in the world, why do we need to wait for a referral? And why so long?
Well, first of all, remember that we are dealing with two governments here. All of our paperwork needs to be translated and then work its way through the proper Ethiopian government channels for approval. That takes time.
And secondly, to be fair to all involved, our adoption agency needs to handle the cases in the order they are sent to Ethiopia. Obviously, we’d all love to see a fast-track, but the reality is that it takes time for each family to be carefully matched with a child and then for their case to be ushered through the Ethiopian system. Yes, there are many children who need a home. But we need to wait our turn for being matched and having court dates assigned.
I’ve heard about the wonderful people our agency is working with in Ethiopia. And I’m confident they are doing the best they can to match children with families as quickly as possible. They want these precious kids to have homes as much as we do. So as we wait, please join us in thanking God for their efforts on behalf of Ethiopia’s orphans, and for His blessing on it.
355. . .
Our dossier documents
355 sheets of paper
120 staples
24 State Seals
26 Notary signatures
5 manilla folders
$25.34 worth of Kinko’s copies
. . . And that completes our adoption dossier - with the original documents and four copies!
We finally got our approval form from the Immigration Department this weekend (the long-awaited form I171H!), so today I went off to get everything state-sealed at the Secretary of State’s office. Interesting note: The South Dakota state seal is more visually appealing than the Michigan state seals. (Now that is a piece of trivia I’m sure you’re dying to share.)
With all the documents dressed in their shiny state seals, we decided to celebrate with a copy party at Kinko’s. I’ve had some negative experiences with copy machines in the past, but today, the Kinko’s machine was quite the helpful gentleman. I zipped through copies in no time and headed home to sort everything out.
So now . . . drumroll . . . we are ready to submit the finished dossier to Bethany. They’ll look everything over for us, and then it’s sent on to the State Department for further review. And finally, after that, it will go on to Ethiopia. Needless to say, we’re delighted to have our end of the paperwork done!
And now, more waiting…
The Infamous Dossier
So are you ready for some excitement today? We’ve had many questions about the adoption process, so today, I thought I’d give you a look at the dossier we’re putting together.
But before I explain the process, let me say this: Putting together an adoption dossier is not the insurmountable task that many think it is. Yes, there are a lot of details to attend to. Many forms to complete. Numerous road trips, both literal and virtual, as we gather the necessary paperwork. But it’s all manageable. Really! If you take it one step at a time, it doesn’t feel that overwhelming.
And here’s the thing: When you’re a parent, you’ll do anything for your kids. We don’t have this actual child in our arms yet, but we know all this busy work is what will bring her home. As tedious as the process may be, at this point, it’s the only labor of love we can actually do for our little one!
So what exactly, is a dossier all about? For nearly all international adoptions, parents are required to put together a collection of legal documents–the dossier–for the country where they will adopt. The requirements vary from country to country. But here’s the list we are working on for our Ethiopian dossier:
1. A home study (This report was written by our caseworker after a series of four interviews, including one home visit. As part of our home study process, we also had to write lengthy autobiographies, get background checks, and provide some basic financial and medical records for review.)
2. Certified copies of our birth certificates
3. various Power of Attorney documents - We will sign these documents so that Bethany representatives can handle legal details on our behalf pertaining to the Ethiopia adoption process.
4. Medical Letters - We each need a letter from our doctor stating we are in good health.
5. Police Clearance - One letter from the police department for each of us.
6. Employment Letter - (From Brian’s employer)
7. A Copy of our Most Recent Bank Statement.
8. Attestation and Declaration of Personal Conditions - a brief overview of our financial situation
9. Copy of our most recent Tax Return
10. Passport photo - a copy of the photo page of each of our passports
11. Passport-size photos - two photos for each of us
12. Letter to MOWA (Ministry of Women’s Affairs) in Ethiopia - describing ourselves and our reasons for wanting to adopt from Ethiopia
13. Letter of Obligation Regarding Post-Placement reports - we just need to sign
14. Two Reference Letters
15. 6-10 Photographs of our Family and Home
16. USCIS (US Citizen and Immigration Services) Approval - this is the approval form we will receive upon review of our I-600a Petition for Advance Processing of Orphan
What makes this all a little more interesting is that all of the above documents need to go through a stringent authentication process. It looks like this:
1. Each document needs to be notarized. (Except for the certified birth certificates)
2. Each document then needs to receive the great seal of the state. (This happens at the Secretary of State)
3. Four copies of all documents need to be made for various purposes.
4. All documents get reviewed by Bethany staff.
5. Documents are then sent to the Ethiopian Embassy for authentication
Once that’s all done, we finally get to send the dossier on to Ethiopia! It’s quite the interesting process and right now, we’ve got most of the documents gathered and notarized. We are waiting on our USCIS Approval and as soon as we have that, we can get rolling on the state seal process. So keep praying that all will flow smoothly and that the Immigration Department will approve us lickety-split!
Ethiopia Facts: Wildlife
We’ve been doing a little furniture shuffle at the Tol House this past couple weeks, trying to move Brian to a quieter workspace for his new job and anticipating the arrival of a baby sometime in the next year or so. I’ll spare you the details of our confusing room to room furniture shuffle, but I will say that the new arrangement is working out nicely.
So what in the world does this have to do with Ethiopian wildlife? Well, we sacrificed our living room to create a new playroom, and decided it’d be fun to decorate the new room with a theme. We call it our “Out of Africa” playroom and it features lots of safari friends. In the process of creating some homemade animal artwork for the walls, I got to wondering: Do any of these animals actually live in Ethiopia? Or is my safari playroom more cliche than reality?
So off I went on a roadtrip down the Information Highway, researching Ethiopia’s wildlife. Here’s what I learned (courtesy of Wikipedia): Ethiopia does, in fact, have a beautiful variety of wildlife including the lions, elephants, zebras, and giraffes that are adorning our playroom walls. (Sigh of relief: My artwork can stay.) Some other interesting animals I discovered on the Ethiopia list: mongoose, gazelle, warthog, anteater, aardvark, hippopotamus, and rhinoceros.
But wait. I also placed a charming stuffed monkey on the playroom bookshelf: Is he authentic, as well? With a bit more searching I discovered that there is plenty of simian life in Ethiopia, including monkeys and baboons. What a relief, because really, what kind of playroom doesn’t feature at least one monkey?
One animal that didn’t make the playroom scene, despite his presence in Ethiopia: the hyena. Apparently, the so-called “laughing hyena” isn’t a funny matter to Ethiopian children. These ferocious animals play much the same role as our big bad wolf in Ethiopian children’s tales. So we’ll just keep Mr. Hyena out of the Tol house for now. Other Ethiopian animals that didn’t make the cut: The Naked Mole Rat, the Ethiopian Fruit Bat, and a bountiful variety of shrews.
One sad discovery: The friendly stuffed tiger who is lounging on the playroom sofa really doesn’t belong. I always thought tigers and lions were good chums, and pictured them doing the savannah equivalent of going to a diner for milkshakes together. Not so. Tigers actually live further north, in areas of India and Asia, while lions roam Africa. Perhaps they could be penpals, at least?
At any rate, since Noah is rather attached to his tiger friend, we’ll let the tiger slide in with the lion under the general category of “big cats.” (Come to think of it, our housecat Mocha fits in this category as well.)
So there is my rather brief tour through Ethiopian wildlife. Isn’t it amazing to think of all those animals roaming about their country? And here’s one last wildlife fact for those of you who’ve stuck with me: Ethiopia’s national symbol is the lion. It’s hard to imagine a symbol with greater beauty and power.
Writer’s Note: So here’s the thing. Whenever Brian writes a blog entry, we seem to get comments. When I (Amy) write, there is an ominous silence. So I’m humbly begging for a response. Just a word. Or maybe a whole sentence if you have the time. Please? It’s not that I want to compete with my husband prolific comments: It’s just that I’m starting to wonder if my words are being sucked into some secret black hole of the web!
Ethiopia Fact: Coffee
We’ve been learning a lot about Ethiopia in recent weeks, and we thought it’d be fun to share some of our newfound knowledge with you, so we are launching an “Ethiopian Fact of the Week” here on the blog. As we explore this country and culture through books and websites, we are growing excited to travel to this land in person. It’s a land of great beauty and rich history.
We’ll start with a fun fact that has drawn Ethiopia dear to our hearts. So here is Ethiopia Fact #1: Ethiopia is the birthplace of coffee!
According to Ethiopian legend, a young goatherd in the Kaffa region first discovered the effects of wild coffee berries over 1,000 years ago. An Epicurean.com article offers this explanation of the tale: “After discovering his goats to be excited, almost dancing on their hind legs, . . . He tried the berries himself and rushed home to his wife who told him that he must tell the monks. The monks tossed the sinful drug into the flames, . . . Within minutes the monastery filled with the heavenly aroma of roasting beans, and the other monks gathered to investigate. After sitting up all night, they found a renewed energy to their holy devotions. The rest, as they say, is history.” (Check here for the entire article about Ethiopia and coffee.)
While this legend may be debatable, the roasting and brewing of coffee beans did, in fact, start in Ethiopia. Today, coffee is Ethiopia’s #1 export, generating around 60% of its total export earnings.
Coffee also plays a strong role culturally, as Ethiopians often perform a coffee ceremony for friends and guests who come to their homes. (Something we have in common with our Ethiopian friends!) But here is areal stroke of genius: The Ethiopians traditionally serve POPCORN along with their coffee.
Popcorn and coffee together. Could there be a more perfect union?
Excuse me, I think I need to make a trip to the kitchen for a moment . . .
(Editor’s note: For those of you who may not know, Amy is rather fond of popcorn. As in, she’s the only person in North America who has actually had to replace TWO popcorn appliances because she uses them so frequently for late-night snacks.)